have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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