I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I love you. Go after that dick
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
