There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
