i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
