I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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