i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
