it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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