I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
