Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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