I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
