I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
