Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
