We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize