well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize