Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Sponge bath it is.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
