So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
