Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(905): View more from Toronto

I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone

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(732): View more from New Jersey

That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.

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(562): View more from California

Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on

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(719): View more from Colorado

You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.

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(716): View more from New York

its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose

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(219): View more from Indiana

So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.

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(847): View more from Illinois

The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.

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(512): View more from Texas

I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!

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(727): View more from Florida

Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees

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