This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
