dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
