I'm lost and stupid without you.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm passing your future prison.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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