3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You can't special order awesome
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
