While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
