What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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