she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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