Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
