I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize