yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
