So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
