I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!