I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my shit smells like andre
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.