Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dating After Heartbreak
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"