I wish I could punch you in the face.
I don't get it.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Let's get the cat blown out