i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
