Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so let's talk penis.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
