Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
