I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
