I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
