So drunk its hurt
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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