I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
