I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
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When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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