Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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