Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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