2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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