I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
