Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
