I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
