my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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