If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
