If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
high people should be assigned attendants
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
