i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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