My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
