i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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