after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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