Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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