Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
