I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
