The maid of honor just puked.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
