Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
