I need to stop coming to work sober
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
