now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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